I couldn't decide whether to tell the first kiss EVER or the first kiss that really mattered to me so I will tell both stories.
There are MANY firsts in life and even many first kisses!
My first kiss came from my first best boy friend. He and I did everything together when we were kids because we lived on the same street in the back woods of nowhere so there really wasn't much choice.
He was my first red head and YES he absolutely had the temper!!
I learned a lot of the things I liked in a boy from him and measured many of them against him in the future. He'd tramp all through the swamp just to pick me a flower, he'd give me his sweater if I was cold, he'd hold my hand if I was scared, he'd sit with me for ages with his arm around me and my head leaning on his chest, and we'd ride bikes together, collect eggs from the chickens, climb around the big dirt pit (WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO), explore, tromp around in the bush, play hide and seek and other games with the other kids on the street, and otherwise do all the things that best buds do together! I was 8 years old and he was 10 (if I remember that correctly) and he was ALWAYS trying to kiss me!
We were playing hide and seek with the other kids in the neighbourhood and I ended up hiding with him and our neighbour Ronnie. (I had a crush on him!)
For some reason while we were hiding, sitting under the canoe, Brian decided he would dare Ronnie to kiss me and I'm not sure it was really that hard a sell! LOL
Anyways, BOTH of them kissed me and I can remember I probably blushed ten shades of red and it was a good thing it was dark out by then!
However, I always remember it because I never really minded Brian wanting to kiss me...he WAS my best friend and I did love him you know! But, more importantly somehow I also got a kiss from Ronnie whom I had a BIG crush on and it made me feel really good! (He was my first OLDER man you know! ;) lol) :)

The other kiss was something different.
It was the first time I was kissed by someone I was madly, head over heels in love with. With all my heart.
I was terrified!
He was beautiful. He was the boy ALL the girls looked at and wanted and why not? He was gorgeous. Sometimes, I couldn't even believe that he liked me at all.
The truth is convoluted and confusing and doesn't really matter now but, one night on a weekend he called, I went and by that time I KNEW why. Of course, I went because I was in love with him. That I believed it meant anything to him was probably my age and naivety but, that doesn't matter either.
What does matter is that he KNEW I was terrified. He KNEW it was the first time really and should never have toyed with me because he'd spent weeks, months even just being my friend and it never occurred to me even ONCE that he would ever WANT to kiss me but, sometimes boys just want to serve their own needs. Apparently so many years after the fact I still carry some hurt for the parts that shouldn't have happened but, he was SWEET and SOFT and gentle and made me feel things I hadn't known I could or would feel. (and NO I did not do anything with him but have a serious kissing fest!) I am NOT sorry for those things. Nor, will I ever be sorry I loved him. I learned things even from him and I'm sure now that they were valid lessons. I am stronger anyway. I survived a broken heart...though it did take a long time to fix myself and NOW I have a memory of a first kiss that actually felt like love to me. Since it wasn't the only time he ever kissed me I'm pretty sure in it's own strange way it was. Though truly, I could still just be deluding myself.
The thing is that I had no idea it could be like that and you can trust me when I say not ALL boys kiss like that either!! It was an experience worth having and left me with a GOOD idea of what I wanted in the man who would ALWAYS be kissing me...lucky me...I have been married 13 years to a man who's always kissed me like he loves me and I hope will continue to a long time yet! ;)

Theodore Roosevelt said:

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

Yoda said:

"Do or do not, there is no try."

Hmmmmmmmmm....I am trying everyday to DO something...anything...instead of sitting and obsessing about all the things I NEED or I don't have or I want because it will make doing easier.
They are all excuses. Simply decide what you want to do and DO it!
Find the silver lining, think positively instead of negatively, if you only have half the stuff you need to make something...make the half you can and do the rest later, if you don't have all the ingredients for a recipe...try another one or better yet, throw caution to the wind and invent a new dish! What's the worst that can happen? It tastes gross?? At least you tried! Maybe, you even found out that you have a talent you weren't aware of! If you didn't go to school and get an education and you want to learn something...READ everything you can on the subject from any source you can find and teach YOURSELF!
You are everything you need to be fantastic, fabulous, awesome, intelligent, capable, independent, useful and any other power word you can use!
All you need to do is believe in YOU!!

The story of my deepest sorrow begins with me being 4 1/2 months pregnant and going to the hospital to have my first ultrasound. The technician kept sighing.
Then, when he asked if there had been any cramping or spotting I KNEW something was wrong. He couldn't tell me anything. He told me we could wait in the waiting room for the doctor on call to talk to us or go home and call our family doctor for the results.
We waited.
For FOUR (4) HOURS!!
Then, because something had happened to make the baby stop growing, and he LOOKED like he was only 12 week size this particular doctor told me to go home and wait for the baby to spontaneously abort. IDIOT!
I AM almost 5 months pregnant!! I am about a WEEK away from feeing the baby beginning to kick and move! I HAVE already heard his heartbeat and he sounded wonderful!! So I went home and called MY doctor. He said, "Why would he tell you that? You can't wait!"
"No duh I can't wait around with a dead baby inside me!!"
Soooo...my doctor prescribed a medication to induce labour and it worked and then hubby and I waited for it to start because he said it could take from anywhere between 2hrs and 8 or so. But, it started right away and hubby and I drove to Orillia to share the most sorrow we have ever shared in our lives together.
There are parts of this story I will never tell. I will carry them with me all the days of my life but, I won't share because they are my pains to keep-to myself.
Orillia has a beautiful program for parents who lose their babies and they have beautiful, compassionate nurses who make the whole ordeal easier to handle.
When my contractions started in earnest I was sitting in a chair enduring them and then I realized...drugs were not going to hurt anyone because I was not going to have a living baby to hold at the end of this. So I called the nurse and asked for drugs. Then I climbed into the bed and fell asleep.
In the morning I woke up and went to the bathroom to pee and gave birth to my son, Andrew Jordan Bissonette.
I called the nurse again and she took him and said she would clean him and bring him back so we could look at him again. I am calm as I tell you this but, I assure you I was NOT calm at the time. In fact, I was almost hysterical. I made hubby climb into the bed with me and hold me while we waited for them to bring him back.
At the time we didn't know whether he was a boy or a girl so the nurse had suggested we choose a name that could be for either. Hubby suggested Jordan and I liked it so that was it. That part was easy really.
When the nurse returned with AJ he was laid in a little pocket almost the size of a mini tissue holder that some grandma lady had made for these special babes.
He had:

2 arms

2 legs

10 fingers

10 toes

2 ears

2 eyes

a nose

and a smile his momma would have loved (I KNOW this)

and YES he had "the equipment"

This is the part that hurts because I love him just as much as the other three even though I did not get to keep him, smell him, clothe him, kiss him, smell him, sing to him, teach him, bathe him, listen to him coo and giggle and eventually begin to talk, watch him crawl and move and eventually walk....

At some point the nurse brought a beautiful memory book that I could write in which included pics of the baby that we could look at later as we needed to or show our family if they needed to see him. The book came with an outfit that I thought was very beautiful but, because our baby was so tiny I asked the nurse to take back and give to another family who may actually be able to use it for their baby. But, the gesture was not lost on me. It was very sweet.

A year after, on the anniversary of AJ's death we received a card from the nurses in this unit and I have always been touched deeply by the work that they are doing for and during the grieving process of all those parents who have lost their babies too.

Thank you.

This is NOT my whole story but it is enough for you to know and share my sorrow.
AND enough for all the other mother's who have felt the same to know, I KNOW and I UNDERSTAND.

I have since had a beautiful, healthy, joyful, angel baby and have moved on from this sorrow but, I carry AJ with me always and I will never forget him.

I am happiest when I can spend time with friends or family and share my love with them.
I am happy just to BE with each of them however that is. If it is a party for everyone, a movie night, a dinner together, a day at the beach, a night out, or any of the other things we enjoy doing together.
I am happy when I know I have done or said something that made someone I love feel better when they are sad, make a decision that was troubling them, see something about themselves they didn't notice before, accept the truth about themselves, and move on from pain to find their own happiness or bliss.
I feel fulfilled when I know my voice matters to someone.
I feel content when I know my loved ones are safe, happy and on their own right path.
I feel like I have done what I am supposed to do.
I can't make choices for anyone or really advise them of which choice is the best for them but, I can encourage them to find their own truth and follow it and I feel good when I know I have done that.
There are so many parts of life that are difficult and depressing that I LOVE to know if I can be a bright light and an encouragement to anyone!
It makes me feel like I have done something right and good and fulfilled my purpose.
That there is a good reason why I am the way I am and that my voice does make a difference no matter how small.
I hope to have a long time to share as much love and encouragement and support as I can!

The truth about truth is sometimes it hurts, and the truth about betrayal is that it hurts deeply and sometimes irreparably. So which do you want to tell? Do you want to BE truth? Or betrayal?
Would you trust a liar? Would you trust a cheater?
Would you trust a person who cannot express or hold to truth at all?
It is important to live a life with truth and integrity. When you give your word to someone, when you make a commitment to do something, KEEP it!
Do what you say you will do and be who you say you are.
The only thing we really have in this life are the relationships and friendships we build.
You can't build a solid, trusting and healthy relationship on lies.
Now, there can always seem to be more than one version of the truth because we each have our own perspective in any given situation of what did or didn't happen. I have always said there are three versions in any story...HIS truth, HER truth and the ACTUAL truth.
The actual truth can sometimes be very surprising because of the many lies we tell ourselves daily.
We always want to be seen in the best possible light even to ourselves, especially to ourselves but, if we can actually dig a little deeper we can find the real truth, acknowledge it and then grow better and brighter and even more REAL as a person.
It isn't always pretty to see every aspect of who we truly are but, it is worth looking and acknowledging and owning our own selves for truth and personal growth.
Try it!
There are many ways of betrayal that we know and understand. For example, we call a person who commits an act of treason or aids an enemy of our country a traitor and betrayer.
Also, we would see violating a trust or agreement in a workplace, friendship or relationship as a betrayal.
If someone is shown as false or disloyal or has gossiped about a secret you asked them to keep then they also have committed a betrayal.
If someone deliberately misleads you, deceives you or leads you astray they have betrayed your trust.
If someone commits to a job and a manner of behaviour related to that job but doesn't keep their word they have betrayed their employers trust.
One of the biggest betrayals in our relationships is when our spouse, who has taken a vow to be faithful decides to have an affair with someone else. We feel disrespected, unloved, unappreciated, and totally betrayed because we promised to love, honour and cherish them and we expect them to keep that same promise in return.
It is important to live a life of honesty and integrity because no one trusts a liar or appreciates being betrayed.
Some people can be terribly damaged from being betrayed and live a broken life, unable to heal their broken hearts.
This not only hurts them but, every person who may be involved with them afterwards especially the next person to try and build an intimate relationship with them.
This person will have double the work load and will need to be extremely patient and loving!
Lies and betrayal spread like ripples in a pond and before you know it many, many people have been affected and damaged in some way by the behaviour.
An act of betrayal creates a doubt inside the injured party that, while they can decide to forgive they will likely never forget or be able to completely remove from their psyche. They will forever only trust you to a certain point and beyond that will find OTHER people they CAN trust. So you may be able to keep them and repair some of the damage but, not all. While some betrayals can be forgiven and second chances given, some are just too damaging and hurtful for the other person to forgive. Trust is a fragile thing that once broken is very very difficult to repair therefore, it is very wise to choose a life of truth and integrity instead of falsity and betrayal.
Sometimes it may be very difficult to tell the truth especially if it is something that we feel may hurt another person to the point that they will not forgive us. So we tell "little white lies" to save their feelings.
We all do this. I believe it is when NOT telling the truth would cause harm to someone that we have to decide to be strong and take the fallout for the betterment of the friendship or relationship.
If you have a REAL, strong, committed relationship, telling the truth might hurt at first but will be appreciated later because deep down we recognize the truth AS truth and if we are a good person we do eventually embrace the ability to change or improve our relationship or situation.
None of us really want to live in a stagnant relationship or situation.
Sometimes we just don't recognize the truth as it really is UNTIL someone we love and respect and trust mirrors it back to us, or clarifies it for us.
If you have found friendships or relationships like this in your life you are lucky indeed!
In my experience, the truth can hurt but, betrayal can eat you alive from the inside out and damage and scar sometimes forever. Especially if you are a person who has a hard time lettin go of the hurt.
So, because I really don't wish harm or hurt to anyone, I choose to live a life of truth and integrity.
I truly hope that you do too! :)

This is the colour green:
peppers
a field of long grass
rows and rows of green grapes growing healthy
the taste of fresh limes
sweet summer pea pods
the smell of freshly cut grass
tall trees...long standing sentinels of time
lucky four leaf clover found
patches of clover in the grass
vines clinging to trellis, walls and fences
rocks overgrown with brilliant green moss
the taste of fresh sugar snap peas
the aroma of freshly broken herbs
new spring buds on the plants and trees

Red
This is the colour red:
sweet red summer raspberries
tulips in the sunshine
sparkling red fireworks on Canada Day
fresh apples plucked from a tree in the orchard
deep red roses and hearts of love
juicy ripe red strawberries in cream
beautiful shiny red and silver ornaments on the Christmas tree
round red cherry tomatoes
red hot chili peppers
the big man in the red suit- ho ho ho
the attractive leaves of a Japanese maple
more of the juicy sweet berries
warm hearts full of love for the holidays and family
RED is the colour of LOVE and home.

I seem to be working on the theme of sunshine lately!
I think the colour yellow is happy.

This is yellow:
Sunshine...
the colour of a smile.
Our favourite smiley face is yellow.
Beautiful friendship roses are yellow.
The leaves turning colour in autumn.
Sunflowers.
Day lilies and buttercups.
Man's best friend is a yellow lab.
A muskoka chair on the porch in YELLOW.
A fuzzy little yellow duckling.
and even cuter the tiny little chick.
The smell and look and feel of a fresh yellow lemon.
Tulips and Daffodils.
A bright yellow Lamborghini.
Fresh yellow pears.
Mums.
Wildflowers in yellow.
Butter melted on popcorn.
Rubber ducky in the bathtub!
Sweet yellow bell pepper...
Crocus and yellow butterfly.
Yellow is brilliant and bright JOY!