The scariest thing that ever happened to me was a fight with my ex-husband.  It was the last fight we had before I left him.  It was the final straw for me.
He had been on me all afternoon.  I don't remember what was going on that day but I know the kids weren't with us and I thank God for that.  He wanted to fight and as usual he always got what he wanted.  I remember thinking that I was done with all the bullshit and I wasn't going to take it anymore.  I baited him knowing he would respond violently.  As soon as we were inside the door of the apartment he pushed me into the closet door so it closed and pinched my arm-THAT made a nasty bruise!  It all happened so fast after that I am not sure of many of the details.  That may be partly because it happened so long ago and partly that I never wanted to remember.  I knew if I could stay on my feet I would manage but if he got me to the floor I would be done.  So I managed to stay on my feet longer than I thought I would.  He put his arm around my neck at one point and tried to choke me but I pushed backwards and smashed him into the wall.  He said I was a lot stronger than I looked and I said that is only one of many things you didn't know about me!  That seemed to make him angrier.  I don't remember all the things we said to each other, I just knew that I was in trouble. We wrestled.  He won and I was on the floor with him sitting on top of me.  I was afraid then because I knew he was going to hurt me.  He put his knee over my throat at one point and tried to choke me. I tried to diffuse the situation and I tickled him. He did a 180 turn then and decided to be a lovey.  He tried to kiss me and I was not having it.  I'm sorry, you don't get to shove me around the apartment for an hour and then kiss me!!! So I turned my head.  That set him off all over again.  I didn't make the rules you see  I only followed them.  At this point, he grabbed my hair on either side of my head and smashed my head against the floor...I don't know how many times.  The next day my head hurt like hell and I had two black eyes.  At the point of the head smashing I did the only thing I could...I screamed like a girl! LOUDLY!!
He tried to get me to shut up but I would not.  I knew I might end up dead if I didn't do something...if I didn't get some help.  He ran away because he knew the cops would come and he was an habitual criminal.  He didn't want to go back to jail.  I went to a neighbour downstairs to borrow the phone and call my mother.
I hate to think about the life I was in that brought me to that point.  I also hate to think of all the people who loved me seeing a bruised and swollen me.  I could have died.
It's very hard to think about even now and that was 19 years ago now. 

•      I think sunsets and sunrises are beautiful.
•      I think the sky is beautiful.
•      I think children are beautiful.
•      I think fuzzy little kittens are beautiful.
•      I think cats big and small are beautiful.
•      I think nanny baking bread is beautiful.
•      I think MY children are beautiful.
•      I think that lonely tree in the middle of Africa is beautiful.
•      I think wolves are beautiful.
•      I think flowers are beautiful.
•      I think the colour of hubby's eyes is beautiful.
•      I think the heart of my muse is beautiful.
•      I think babies are beautiful.
•      I think Canada is beautiful.
•      I think photographs of touching moments are beautiful.
•      I think the sound of laughter is beautiful.
•      I think a sweaty, hungry, grouchy man just home from working hard all day is beautiful!
•      I think smiles are beautiful.
•      I think hearts are beautiful.
•      I think Christmas trees full of twinkling lights are beautiful.
•      I think teddy bears are beautiful.
•      I think there are sometimes treasured moments in life that are beautiful.

   "The drudgery of being a professional writer comes in trying 
      to make good days out of bad days and in squeezing out 
         the words when they won't just flow."
 
                                ~ Benjamin Cavell

     "Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, 
      what you believe, shine through every sentence you 
      write, every piece you finish."
                                        ~ John Jakes

   "A word is not the same with one writer as with another.  
        One tears it from his guts.  The other pulls 
              it out of his overcoat pocket."
 
                                ~ Charles Peguy

"For a long time now I have tried simply to write the best I can.  
     Sometimes I have good luck and write better than I can."
 
                                    ~ Ernest Hemingway

       "Words need to be crafted, not sprayed. They need 
           to be fitted together with infinite care."
 
                                ~ Norman Cousins

               "You can't wait for inspiration. 
             You have to go after it with a club."
 
                                 ~ Jack London

      "If you start to revise before you've reached the end, 
           you're likely to begin dawdling with the 
               revisions and putting off the 
                  difficult task of writing."
 
                                  ~ Pearl S. Buck